


Broken Pieces

by Lys ap Adin (lysapadin)



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Angst, Death, Gift Fic, M/M, first-person narration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-08-05
Updated: 2000-08-05
Packaged: 2017-10-03 20:51:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lysapadin/pseuds/Lys%20ap%20Adin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reflections on the nature of Heero Yuy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> Painfully old fic, reposted for the sake of archiving it. Original author notes below; some bits may be redacted for the sake of the author's dignity.
> 
> \---
> 
> Okay, a very long time ago I promised Alma a fic. And it took me till now to sort of get it right, because her line challenge got me to thinking. And, since there were two interpretations of the specified line... and I'm not real fond of writing pwps... well, you get the second interpretation.
> 
> Um. Dark? Yaoi, Post EW, angst.... Death... OOC...  Weird. Very damn weird. Not mine, and I don't know why I did this to them...

In all the time I knew him, Heero Yuy remained an enigma to me. I never understood, until well past the end of it all, that his was a deceptively simple character. He was the perfect soldier. But he was also human, and this curious dichotomy meant that to an extent, he was always at war with himself. He executed his missions with a finesse that stemmed from his own willingness to sacrifice everything to see the deed accomplished. At the same time, he made mistakes, and his self-recriminations were often the harshest. And although all of his emotions were supposed to have been trained out of him, he might have been one of the most deeply feeling individuals I have ever had the privilege of knowing.

I count it an honor to have been his best friend and--to an extent, his confidant. There's only one person who knew more about Heero than I did.

His lover, Trowa Barton.

I have to admit, I was rather jealous of Trowa there for a while. In a way, I had rather hoped that the spark of chemistry between me and Heero would have ignited a more enduring flame. That's how Heero was--indefinably attractive, a combination of delicate features and dangerous strengths, of a strange jaded innocence melded with his skills as a killer. There was something about him that drew a person to him even as Heero pushed him away with death threats. And there was something in me that hoped that the two of us might become more than just partners despite our rocky beginning together. But all I got was friendship, and Trowa got the guy. Life goes on, though.

Personally, I think it was when Heero self-destructed that the real bond started forming between him and Trowa. Even in his most distant, arctic moods, Heero wasn't the kind of person to shrug off a month's worth of care, plus convalescent time. And I think Trowa was probably smitten from the moment Heero tried to give Wing a new sunroof. Trowa's strange like that... not that I'm one to talk.

Regardless of how it happened, the two of them fumbled their way into a relationship. As I later found out, Trowa was Heero's first, and ultimately only, lover. And he devoted himself to Trowa in the same way he devoted himself to any mission from the doctors. I can still remember the betrayal in those chilly Prussian eyes when we thought Trowa had gone over to OZ... and Quatre swears that he was afraid Heero would kill him in those weeks between the time Trowa sacrificed himself and the day Quatre found him again. All I know is that things were never quite the same between Heero and Quatre after that... I doubt Heero ever actually forgave him.

   


* * *

  
 

I still hate the bastards who dragged us out of our retirement after the Eve Wars. It's been almost ten years since Une called us from Preventers HQ and pleaded with us to come work with her to eradicate the threat to our hardwon peace. The loathing I feel for them and their selfish plans to renew the conflict between Earth and the colonies hasn't lessened yet, and it probably never will. None of us are what you might call well-adjusted, and it took each of us a couple years after we destroyed the Gundams to settle down into a real life. We were all more or less happy--Wufei in the Preventers with Sally, Quatre busy with his sisters and Winner, Inc... Trowa and Heero busy with each other, and me working on L2.

Being who we are, of course, we couldn't *not* lend a hand where it was needed, and that's how we all came to be embroiled in another would-be war. This time we didn't even have the benefits of Gundams, though. Just the five of us, what information the Preventers could give us, and all the intelligence we could muster.

...I think I would have traded one of us for a Gundam. Because it was sans Gundam that we infiltrated the headquarters of the idiots responsible for the troubles in the relationship (when we finally found it). And it was just the five of us to sweep through the warren of buildings, planting charges and eliminating what threats that cropped up. And, finally, it was Heero who got captured and brought in for interrogation.

I know Trowa still hasn't forgiven himself for the fact that they got Heero. He still feels that it should have been him to go plant the last, most conspicuous charges, but Heero had overruled him, citing superior skill with the involved electronics.

They were such *stupid* bastards. The only thing they had going for themselves and their mischief is numbers and some good funding from the private sectors that profit from war. They never bothered to check Heero for transmitters--nor did they check him for any other electronics. So while they beat him, probably into a bloody mess, and tried to pry information out of him, he was subtly pumping them for all their secrets.

We heard it all. Some of it was stuff that turned even our stomachs. I don't know how Trowa could have stood to listen in to half of it. But he stuck around the entire time, listening with that inscrutable expression of his when it must have been ripping him to shreds. Maybe he considered it his penance.

We got to hear their boasts and taunts and plots and plans, and all the while we were desperately trying to figure out how to extract Heero and finish the mission, which was to wipe these guys off the map. Heero had his own ideas. Knowing him as I did, and knowing the value he placed on peace... I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised.

I know what the expression on his face must have been.... It was that strange smirk he'd get, that look of triumph mixed with resignation. Probably there was regret mixed in, if he was thinking about Trowa. It must have scared the shit out of them, though, when he spoke up suddenly, in the middle of their taunts. "When you fuck with me, you fuck with the master."

We were looking at each other, caught somewhere between confusion and horror, and then an explosion roared across the transmitter, and we knew what he'd done.

   


* * *

  
 

Sometimes I hate Heero for what he did, to Trowa, and to us. Even still there are times when I want to scream curses at him and yell at him for being such a damned selfish jerk. I want to shake him and demand to know what he had been thinking, why he didn't count on us to get him out. I want to show him the wreck that Trowa was for months, and punch him for causing that. Sometimes I wish we could resurrect him and just let Cathrine use him for target practice for causing her brother such trauma.

We won't know the answer to *why* for a long time, if ever. Another one of Heero's charms. In the meantime we're left with our questions and the broken pieces...


End file.
